yourself." -unknown author
-Accepting yourself as a human who has faults and makes mistakes.
-Letting go of self-anger for your past failures, errors, and mistakes.
-The act of self-love after you have admitted your failure, mistake, or misdeed.
-Calming self-rejection, quieting the sense of failure, and lightening the burden of guilt.
-The act of letting go of the need to work so hard to make up for your past offenses.
In the absence of self-forgiveness, you run the risk of:
-Unresolved hurt, pain, and suffering from self-destructive behaviors.
-Unresolved guilt and remorse for self-inflicted offenses.
-Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks toward yourself.
-Being caught up in unresolved self-anger, self-hatred, and self-blaming.
-Defensive and distant behavior with others.
-Pessimism, negativity, and non-growth oriented behavior.
-Having a festering wound that never allows the revitalization of self-healing.
-Fear over making new mistakes or of having the old mistakes revealed.
-Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non-approval, low self-esteem, and low self-worth.
New behaviors needed to create self-forgiveness.
In order to forgive yourself you need to practice:
-Letting go of past hurt and pain.
-Trusting in your goodness.
-Letting go of fears for the future.
-Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth.
-Taking a risk.
-Letting go of self-hostility, resentment, and self-destructive behaviors.
-Working out your self-anger.
-Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward and getting back on the wagon of recovery immediately.
-Developing an openness to the belief that you can change.
-Developing trust in yourself.
-Open, honest, and assertive communication with yourself concerning hurts, pains, and offenses experienced.
-Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block you ability to forgive yourself."
Unknown author of article
Is it easy to develop self-forgiveness? No, it certainly is not and it takes time and patience.
My son struggled, and still struggles, with self-forgiveness. He blames himself when he can't accomplish goals he sets for himself, he blames himself if he gets angry at someone, he blames himself for not being able to overcome his illness. He knows that self-forgiveness is important and he has worked very hard at it. He wrote about it when he was fifteen years old.
"I forgive my parents for the things that they did. I understand it was to help me get better. I feel terrible about how I treated them on my arrival here and my time at the mental hospital. I know they forgive me because they have said so. But I can't seem to forgive myself for the things I have said and done. They must love me a lot to care this much. But I can't help from crying. I love them too, which also makes me feel like shit about how I treated them. I forgive my parents. But I can't forgive myself. I forgive, them they forgive me. I don't forgive myself. All the hateful things I have written and drawn about my parents. I was so evil. But I will change. No more will I hurt my parents. It only hurts myself. I will change. I will forgive myself."
Self-forgiveness is done in baby steps, small steps, often.