Blog Archives

Are you thankful?

11/27/2013

Since it is Thanksgiving I thought a blog on being thankful for family was appropriate. Are we really thankful for what we have or are we faking it? I think, sometimes, it is a little of both.

This is the season of getting together with family and friends. There is an old saying that you can choose your friends, but not your family. I think this is very important to remember. You choose the people in your life that you want around you. These people lift you up and bring you joy and sometimes, actually often, they are not your family.

Do what you want to do this holiday season. Be with your family if it brings you joy. Sometimes family only brings heartache and misery, so don't be pressured into doing things you don't want to do because it is "family." Family is not the most important thing in the world, contrary to popular belief. Be thankful for who you are and what you have and enjoy your Thanksgiving.

Is the grass really greener?

11/26/2013

Do we often see things we don't have as better? Are we not satisfied with what we have?

The next job, the next move, the next town may not be the thing we need. The "grass" may not be as "green" as it seems. The energy spent on wanting what is "just over the fence" takes away from what you have.

I grew up in Florida and traveled with my family during summer vacations, often to North Carolina to visit grandparents. I always wanted more adventure, to fly to an exotic location, and live an interesting life. In college I got that opportunity. I completed a teaching practice in England. Here was my big chance to have more.

While finishing my education degree in England I travelled and was thrilled with the exciting life abroad. I met my now ex-husband there and after graduating from college I returned to England and got married. I remember being so exited that I was going to live abroad permanently and travel often, I felt like I was running away to start a new life. I started teaching, had children, went on some family vacations, mostly to Florida. I discovered my life wasn't much different to what it had been in Florida. It was the same life, different accent.

This was not what split my ex-husband and I up, that is a whole other story, but it contributed to my attitude of always looking for something else. It has taken me many years and a lot of mistakes to finally realize that I already have what I'm looking for and it isn't on the other side of the "fence." It is within me. It takes time and patience to find it. It may not be exactly what you want and it may need to be honed, but it is there.

Remember, you may think the grass is greener somewhere else, but in the famous words of Erma Bombeck, "The grass is always greener over the septic tank."

Positivity

11/22/2013

In my research to find information on positivity, which is the quality or state of being positive, I came across a wonderful blog at www.positivityblog.com written by a young Swedish man named Henrik Edberg. It contains, "happiness & awesome tips that work in real life." I love that title.

Henrik has some wonderful articles about happiness, staying positive (of course), and making the most of your life. The one that popped up in my positivity research was, "How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits." The first step was putting things into perspective. This is something I remember my mother saying to me all the time during my teenage years. She loved the term "eternal perspective" and would often say we are only a blip on the time-line of eternity and what we do today may seem like a big deal today, but next week, next month, next year, or many years from now it will not seem that bad, so look up into at the stars and realize that everything is part of something bigger and what may seem unbearable at the moment, it too will pass.

Check out Henrik's site at www.positivityblog.com

Things can change when you least expect it

11/18/2013

We often go through life doing the same thing day after day. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sometimes something new will bump right into you, but more often than not you have to search for that something new and make the changes yourself. Change can come unexpectedly, so be prepared for it.

The following video was made by my daughter about how change can affect your life.

http://youtu.be/mBxfQ2Ah1J4

(this link works on my laptop, but for some reason it won't work on my mobile devices)

The "wills" not the "ifs"

11/15/2013

Anyone who has a child that is a senior in high school knows the fall is a stressful time for seniors. They have all the normal academic and sports related activities to complete, but with the added burden of applying to colleges and taking entrance exams. My daughter is struggling through these fall days completing applications, writing essays, studying for physics exams, cheering at football games, socializing with friends, and trying to get some sleep in between. She is doing it all with confidence and the expertise of someone well beyond her seventeen years. I am always amazed at what she can accomplish. She asked me to read her most recent essay to a college. I was so moved by her ability to share her feelings that I asked if I could post it on my blog.

My daughter knows the three D's to avoid when writing a college essay: death, divorce, and disease, however, she wrote this based on the following prompts and I am confident she made her point without being morose.

College Essay prompts
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

2. How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced you?

The word depression has a connotation like no other. Depression can halt a room filled with thousands of smiling faces. It isn’t something easy to deal with. Depression is life altering.

My brother was diagnosed with depression when he was fourteen. In addition to depression he suffers from psychosis, and severe anxiety. It was something I had to work and live with. It was my "bump in the road." I remember thinking there wasn’t an, “if my brother would die,” it was a when. There was a knowing feeling that one day, we wouldn’t save him, and we wouldn’t get to him before death struck.

Matthew, my brother, was sent away to a help center in Utah where he received treatment for his illness. Visiting him was dark. He’d seem fine, and then I would say something or he could feel uncomfortable and like a match, his illness would spark. The progress my brother made in his time away was immense. His homecoming was nerve-wracking, but also miraculous. His being sick caused a major "bump" in my grades during my sophomore year. It took an emotional toll on me and my family.

Despite this, his illness taught me and my family more about life than anything in the world. It has influenced our lives forever. While visiting Matthew in Utah, I heard horrific stories from teens my age. I heard people’s desperate cries for help. It opened my eyes that there are bigger issues in this world. I learned to be sympathetic. I learned never to judge someone. I learned that flashing a smile or lending a hand can make all the difference in the world. My perspective on all things has changed.

My brother has overcome his illness. It will never go away, he will always have to make some hospital visits, and check himself back into reality, but he has lived through his pain and he is such an amazing example for me and any other teenager struggling with depression. My brother is my hero. I now know that he is strong, and smart, and there’s no “if” anymore. There are only wills. He will live. He will succeed, and he will be happy.

(names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals)

Having a child in your family with an illness is very difficult for the parents, but we must not forget about the siblings. Your other children are affected, more than you know, by what is going on in their household with their brother or sister. Do not forget about them. They need support and help from you and professionals.

This is one of my favorite pictures of my children when they were four and six. They were so close and looked after each other.

Remember it's not the "ifs" it's the "wills," that get us through each day and help us go on fighting.

Thank you

11/14/2013

I was nervous telling "the world" about my son and his issues with mental illness, but I have had such overwhelming support and acceptance from those I know and those I have just met. It has been empowering to tell others what I have been through and to offer advise. I feel blessed if it has helped just one person move forward with the struggles in their life.

Thank you for your support.

Thank you to our veterans

11/12/2013

I missed my opportunity yesterday to write about a veteran close to our family's heart, so I thought it doesn't matter that it's the day after Veterans Day, I will write about him anyway.

My father-in-law, Erik Larsen, was not born in this country, but he became a naturalized citizen and was proud to serve in the army during the Korean War. He was old enough to be drafted into the military for WWII, but he was deferred for medical school since the military needed doctors. In 1950, at the age of twenty-eight, he left his wife and new baby and entered the army as a captain in the medical corps. He served as a Battalion Surgeon on the front lines. During the evacuation of medical personnel in the "May Massacre" of Hang-ye, Erik's jeep hit a land mine and was destroyed. He got separated from his unit and was missing in action, alone, for three days in the hostile countryside of Korea before being found by U.S. troops.

The hearing in his right ear was damage during the explosion of the jeep, but after recuperating, he went on to serve in the first Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (MASH). While in the MASH unit he had many near misses including dramatic ones such as being held at gun point by a soldier under mental duress and surgically removing an unexploded shell from a soldier's back after his commanding officer refused to perform the surgery.

Dr. Erik Larsen was awarded the Combat Medical Badge, a Purple Heart, and the Bronze Star for his service to his country. He did not hesitate to serve his country and for this and many other reasons we are very proud of our own veteran.

I am proud to be writing his biography. Please check out Erik Larsen's website at www.eriklarsenmdfacs.com for more information and links.

To all the members of my family who serve our country, past and present, I thank you for your service.

Mental Health Act

11/9/2013

This week The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act, that was signed in 2008 would, according to Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebellus, "finally put mental health and behavioral health on equal footing."

It's about time. According to The Columbian, Rosalynn Carter, former first lady, ". . . has tried for decades to convince the world that mental illness is no different from physical illness. . . Advocates say the parity requirements for mental health coverage under the Affordable Care Act, represent a profound cultural shift for the nation." On Friday, November 8, 2013 The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act became part of federal law.

"I often have said that if insurance covered mental illness the way other diseases like cancer or diabetes are covered, there would be less stigma against these diseases, and we all would benefit from healthier mothers, brothers, workers and friends," said Carter. I would also add children to that list. I am hopeful that this law is enforced and insurance companies do not discriminate the mentally ill when it comes to health care coverage. I am thankful to Rosalynn Carter for her tireless effort to help reform medical coverage for mental illness, it's just a shame it took so long.

Guilt and the headless horseman

11/6/2013

I was watching the new series "Sleepy Hollow" on television last night and I was fascinated how the story line unfolded. Ichabod Crane was physically linked to the headless horseman because he had guilt over the death of another man and had not forgiven himself. Once he let go of this guilt and forgave himself the link was severed.

Of course the story of the headless horseman is fictional, but the reality of how guilt can affect our lives is not.

In an article by Carol King at http://www.authentic-self.com it says, "It is possible to spend your entire life blaming yourself for this and that, feeling guilty because you did this or that and living in fear of the consequences of this and that. This way of living has you immobilized because you are dwelling in the past (the guilt and blame for what has been) and you cannot enjoy your future (for fear of the consequences of what has been)."

Don't sit in the past of guilt and blame. Take action, don't let guilt hold you back from self-forgiveness. Get out there and slay your headless horseman.

Carrying the Weight of Depression

11/4/2013

While sitting in the endodontist's office today waiting for my root canal (ugh) I picked up a copy of "People" magazine, as one does at any doctor's office, and noticed an article that intrigued me. It was about the son of Pastor Rick Warren, founder of Saddleback Church and author of "The Purpose Driven Life." In April of this year, after battling with depression his entire life, Matthew, Rick Warren's son, committed suicide. He was twenty-seven years old.

This story brought tears to my eyes. It hit close to home and I'm sure many of you out there have felt that overwhelming emotional fear for your children or family members. In a Huffington Post article about Matthew's death, Warren wrote that he and his wife "marveled at his courage" to fight "relentless pain." Warren said, "I'll never forget how, many years ago, after another approach had failed to give relief, Matthew said, 'Dad, I know I'm going to heaven. Why can't I just die and end this pain?' but he kept going for another decade."

These are words I have heard my son say, "Why can't I just end my pain?" My son has only been fighting with his depression for about nine years and I hope he will continue to go on fighting everyday. I know it is difficult for him and I can't comprehend what it must feel like. I can only read his words and get a small glimpse into his world. "Carrying the weight of depression on my back; a heavy obstacle to overcome. Looking for a place to set it down and clamber over, but I can't find the right spot. I don't know what to do. How will I move past this? It's all so hard." Matthew's journals

To Rick Warren and his family, who's son shared my son's fictitious name, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope never to endure what you have had to endure. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Depression is a serious illness. Don't take it lightly. Talk about it with your loved ones and professionals. Read my blogs from 10/9, 10/10, and 10/11 on depression and how to help. It can be serious, but there are treatments and they do help some people, so don't give up, never give up.