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Suicide Prevention Resources

6/21/2017

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Found this gem on https://themighty.com/

Suicide Prevention Resources
From the Mighty
 
If you are feeling suicidal, there is hope.
 
You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255.
 
You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741.
 
You can call The Trevor Project, an LGBT crisis intervention and suicide prevention hotline, 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386.
 
Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
 
For additional resources go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
 
You can read the following stories from people who’ve been there:
 
  • If You Feel Like You’re ‘Losing’ to Your Mental Illness, This Is Your Reason to Stay
  • For When Your Only Thought Is Suicide
  • My Kit for Surviving Suicidal Feelings
  • The Difference Between Wanting to Die and Wanting the Pain to Stop
  • Dear Suicidal You
     
    And for additional messages of hope, click here.
     
    You are not alone.  
     

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Words Can Kill

6/20/2017

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On July 12, 2014 18-year-old Conrad Roy III took his life after struggling for many months with suicidal ideation, depression and social anxiety. He was found alone in his truck, having died from carbon monoxide poisoning, yet he wasn’t alone when he died, his girlfriend was “virtually present” in the truck with him.

Weeks before Conrad took his life, Michelle Carter, Conrad’s girlfriend, taunted and berated him to kill himself, saying, “Just do it.” After two years, she was tired of listening to his problems and tired of hearing him say that he wanted to die.


In multiple text messages, she pushed him, and having researched suicide, she suggested ways for him to die saying, “Hanging is painless and take like a second if you do it right.”


The day Conrad lost his life he sat in his truck and became sick from the poisonous gas. He got out of the vehicle and texted Michelle. Instead of helping him, calling the police or telling someone- anyone-that he needed help, she ordered him to “get back in.” And then she did nothing.

Her defense attorneys relied on the testimony of psychiatrist Peter Breggin who stated that Michelle was “involuntarily intoxicated” and “enmeshed in delusion” by, Celexa, an antidepressant medication she started taking months before Conrad’s death. Dr. Breggin implied that Michelle wasn’t in her right mind and that she believed Conrad would be better off dead.

But was this true, or just an excuse for a young girl who had gone too far?

On June 16, 2017, almost three years after Conrad’s death, Juvenile Court Judge Lawrence Moniz ruled on the three words Michelle said to Conrad on the day he died, “get back in.” Michelle Carter was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter. Judge Lawrence said those words established “wanton and reckless conduct.”


Maybe the old adage, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me,” is not true.

Can words kill?

According to Susan C. Jacobsen, the Mental Health Association of Rhode Island’s executive director, “Language is one of the ways that we dehumanize people. It’s the mechanism of oppression and dehumanization. The way that we talk about things frames the way we think about things.”

This applies in all aspects of our lives. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, a sibling or a friend. What we say about and to another human being can shape how we feel about ourselves and others. Words can dehumanize people.

Thinking about what we say and how it may affect someone else is important. The language we use can lift someone up or bring them down. It is a powerful tool and must be used wisely.

James McNulty, head of the Mental Health Consumer Advocates of Rhode Island and a national authority on mental health said, “Words make a difference. They help us in how we think about ourselves and about others.”

Most of us would not make the same choices that Michelle Carter made, but we must all remember that the words we use can affect others in ways we never knew possible.

So, choose your words carefully.      

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New Article on Psych Central

6/15/2017

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I'm happy to have Psych Central publish another one of my articles.

Self-Harm: Legitimate Coping Skill or a Silent Scream for Help?

In an article I wrote titled “Why I’m Grateful for My Son’s Self-Injury,” I describe my son’s depression and the use of cutting to release some of his inner pain. This self-injury turned into an addictive and compulsive act that culminated in several suicide attempts. Cutting became his demon; one that needed to be fed, demanded attention, and was in control. No longer was my son the master of himself, the demon was. He described it as a monster, an obsession, “I want to cradle my obsession and love my obsession. . .the monster that has festered for, it seems like an eternity, inside of me. . .”

Self-Harm
was used by my son as a coping skill. Sometimes it reduced his inner turmoil and sometimes it drew him to the brink of suicide. He did not know how he would feel or react when he was in the midst of the demon’s clutches. He did not realize that it was holding him back from achieving all of his aspirations.


Not everyone who self-harms is as absorbed as my son became, but many become overwhelmed by its addictive pull. My son stated in a personal poem, “
If only I knew the weight of my decision and stopped the self-harm at the first incision.” He knew that he should not have started cutting, but once he began he couldn’t stop. He wanted help and the wounds were his way of silently screaming for that help.

Many articles describe cutting in a very different way. I have read authors describe self-injury as having a purpose as a “legitimate coping mechanism.”

The word legitimate means real, genuine, not false as well as conforming to known principles and accepted rules. Can self-injurious behavior be labeled as a legitimate coping mechanism?

If classifying an act of violence toward oneself-where blood is shed, bruises are created, hair is pulled out or poison is ingested-as a legitimate skill to cope with emotional turmoil, sadness, anxiety, anger or rejection; wouldn’t substance abuse, excessive drinking, eating disorders or engaging in dangerous, life-threatening activities also have to fall under the category of a legitimate coping mechanism?

What does the word coping really mean?

In psychology, coping “is expending conscious effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking to master, minimize or tolerate stress or conflict.”

The term coping generally refers to adaptive or constructive coping strategies, i.e. the strategies reduce stress levels. However, some coping strategies can be considered maladaptive, i.e. stress levels increase. Maladaptive coping can thus be described, in effect, as non-coping.

Self-Harm as a coping strategy does work for many people and they would say it reduces stress, but only for a short time. Often shame and embarrassment follow the act of self-injurious behavior and this can increase stress levels, so self-harm could be described as a maladaptive coping skill. In the long run it is not helping the person to solve and master their problems; it is becoming one of the problems.

Anyone who self-harms should not be shamed or criticized for their actions. To be in a place where the only thing that takes away your emotional pain is physical pain is a terrible place to be. Self-Harmers need to be loved, unconditionally, and treated with respect and compassion. They need to know that they will not be judged, ignored or mocked. They need guidance to find constructive coping strategies, so the day will come when hurting themselves is no longer an option.

I am the parent of a cutter, I have never personally engaged in self-injurious behavior and I cannot say that I fully understand how someone feels when they make the decision to hurt themselves. I can tell you how heart-wrenching it is to watch your child suffer. I can tell you how helpless you feel when your child is in pain. I can tell you that a parent would do anything to take that pain away.

I did everything I could to help my son deal with his anguish in a productive way, a way that provided him with life skills for the future. It was a battle to persuade him that cutting, although “soothing” in the moment, was actually doing more harm than good. In order for him to fully heal–physically, socially, and emotionally–he needed to face his emotional demons head on. When he finally did, it set him on a path to seek out positive coping skills, it didn’t happen overnight and there were years of ups and downs, but eventually my son realized that self-harm held him back from achieving all of his hopes and dreams.

“A single reason to continue on this path I have made for such a long time has left me completely. I am slowly beginning to realize what this has held me from becoming, that I am capable of achieving all my aspirations. That the monster that has festered for, it seems like an eternity, inside of me can be tamed, and being held back from the true self will only cause me to bask in the reality that is me. Relishing every moment I succeed.”—Matthew’s journals

Is self-injury a legitimate coping skill or a scream for help? What do you think?

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/06/03/self-harm-legitimate-coping-skill-or-a-silent-scream-for-help/

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Author Interview

6/9/2017

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The awesome David Susman PhD interviewed me for his blog. Please follow the link below to read the interview.

http://davidsusman.com/2017/06/08/learning-to-enjoy-the-present/

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How 13 Reasons Why Can Prompt 1 Reason Why Not

6/1/2017

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“There are 13 sides to every story,” Hannah Baker, the star of the Netflix original series, 13 Reasons Why, says in the first episode.  This series, which debuted in March of 2017, portrays Hannah Baker’s point of view, or as one of the characters eloquently puts it, “Her truth.” This is a story of someone broken down by a series of events in her life that compel her to feel hopeless, helpless, and wishing for death.

This was her truth. It was told from her vantage point and while many people may not agree with how she responded to the crises that unfolded in her life, it was her choice…or was it?

Of course, Hannah Baker is just a character in a TV show, but the show makes people question how others handle situations differently. For instance, a specific event, such as an abuse, may bring one person to the brink of suicide, while another person may be able to “shrug it off” and put it behind them. Both reactions can be considered normal, but they are completely different responses to a similar incident.

Hannah tells her story exactly as she saw it, however that doesn’t mean the way she views the world is the way it was. It is her perspective and each and every one of us sees things from a different viewpoint. And Hannah is only 17, she doesn’t have a lot of life experiences to draw from to let her know that the situation she is in right now won’t last forever, that the choices she makes don’t have to define who she is, and that things can get better.

Everyone who viewed this series has their own conflicting opinions on how things were handled.

Were the tapes seen as vindictive or just an explanation?

Is this really how things are at most high schools or did they over exaggerate?

Should they have shown the suicide scene or left it to the imagination?

Did Hannah have a mental illness or not?

Did Hannah make a “choice” to end her life or was it inevitable?

These are questions that can have multiple answers or maybe no answers at all.

The mental health community have raised concerns that mental illness was not discussed in the series. This could have been an opportunity for an open, honest conversation about mental health issues.
 
However, this was a show based on a young woman who takes her own life. The writers did not give a great deal of opportunity for anyone to help Hannah or talk about mental health, except possibly the incompetent school counselor, because it would have steered the topic away from the tragic ending. And Hannah was portrayed as not being particularly skilled at verbalizing how she felt, mostly because she was only 17 and partly because when she did speak out she was often pushed away or made to feel worse.

In my opinion, there was not enough information given to make an informed decision about the state of Hannah’s mental health. She possibly showed signs of depression. She certainly showed signs of PTSD.

More than 90% of people who die by suicide have been diagnosed with a mental illness. But we can’t make a diagnosis based on the limited view of Hannah’s emotional state. Did she or didn’t she have a mental illness? We will never know.

Could Hannah have reached out to her parents? Absolutely.

Could she have reached out to another adult that she trusted? Absolutely.

Is there a lesson to be learned from this series? Absolutely.

As a parent I think everyone who raises children should watch these thirteen episodes. They should watch the companion piece, “Beyond the Reasons,” which gives insight into why the directors and producers did what they did. It also portrays professionals explaining how to educate youth on sexual consent and offering information on suicide and depression.  This controversial series should not be ignored. In this case ignorance is not bliss. These types of situations are going on in our schools on a daily basis. We must educate ourselves and our children, so that they don’t become one of the statistics.

13 Reasons Why has raised awareness. It has spurred people, schools, and communities to discuss bullying, sexual assault, suicide, and mental illness. It has made a difference, because people are talking. They are debating, they are researching, and they are discussing their reasons why not.

Every one of us can strive to be that person that someone reaches out to. That sees, listens, and acknowledges. It’s not a difficult thing to do, it just takes compassion, empathy, and a big heaping of validation.
 
 

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    The views expressed on this page are my own and should not be used to replace licensed medical care. Please note some stories may cause triggers for self-harm.

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