Blog Archives

Halloween and Mental Illness a poor choice

10/31/2013

These are Halloween costumes that have been removed from stores in the U.K. BBC news wrote this about the sale of these costumes, "Former Downing Street director of communications Alastair Campbell, who has written about his experiences with mental health issues, branded their sale by established companies as 'unacceptable.' Speaking to BBC London, he said: 'We are trying to change attitudes towards mental illness so people do not stigmatize it and something like this comes along and it just reminds you we are basically still in the Dark Ages.'"

There is a lot of controversy surrounding these types of costumes. Some people say making a big deal out of removing them only increases the stigma of mental illness. Others say they are offensive and should never have been on the market to begin with.

I think maybe there needs to be something in the middle. I do not believe these costumes should be on the market. From a mother who's child has been psychotic, depicting a psychotic person with a mask and a weapon is just wrong, but on the other hand I don't want literature and movies banned because some people don't agree with them. Let's try to be sensitive to others. You don't want to be like Prince Harry and dress up for a party in a Nazi soldier costume, I mean really, where were his PR people?

What do you think?

The Thing

10/30/2013

I believe everyone needs, what I call "the thing," in there life. "The thing" reduces stress, releases endorphins, and gives you a sense of well-being. What is "the thing" you ask? It can be different for everyone.

My "thing" is tennis. I play for fun, I play for exercise, I play for socialization, sometimes I play just to smack the hell out of the ball. I started playing tennis about six years ago. Before this time I had never played any organized sports. We joined a local club and I thought, "hey, I'll try tennis." I was hooked. I am so glad I had "the thing" established when I went through, and still go through, the difficult times with my son. It gives me something to focus on during tough times. I'm not sure I would have made it through all of the difficulties without this.

So, what is your "thing?" That is something you have to figure out on your own. Maybe it's scrap booking, jewelry making, painting, swimming, football, soccer, or sailing, but not drinking. Whatever it is find it and do it often. If it doesn't reduce stress, release endorphins, and give you a sense of well-being then it's not the right "thing" for you, so kick it to the curb and find another one. Don't continue doing something that is supposed to help release stress, but instead makes it worse. Don't be afraid to make a mistake, try many different "things" and you will find the perfect one for you.

Thank you Michael J. Fox

10/28/2013

I started watching the Michael J. Fox show with apprehension. I was worried that the witty, adorable, and brilliant actor I had seen in television shows and movies of the past would not be the same. I mistakenly assumed the Parkinson's disease he had not only affected his physical movements, but also his mental facility. I was so wrong.

I can not tell you how glad I was to be wrong. His show is not only incredibly well acted, but Fox manages to show that he does not have to be judged by his illness, he is just a person trying to look at life (as he puts it in his own words) "through a lens of optimism and humor." He is helping the world breakdown the stigma placed on those with an illness.

Don't be bound by the, ". . . invisible chains of misunderstanding and discrimination. . ." (Mental Health America) that plague most illnesses. Learn about them, find out what you can do to help those with an illness, and those supporting someone with an illness. Take the time to care, because one day it could be you or your family.

Check out Michael J. Fox's site on finding a cure for Parkinson's https://www.michaeljfox.org/

And to Michael J. Fox I say, thank you.

Why are our youth killing in schools?

10/25/2013

I was shocked this week by two more killings in schools in the country. Why are our youth killing in schools?

There is much speculation on this subject. As a parent I have experienced the horror of my child texting and saying, ". . . the school is on lockdown, I've been on the floor of the library for an hour, I'm scared . . ." This is one of the worst things you can hear from your child when they are supposed to be safe at school.

Are all the killings in schools committed by mentally ill people? Not necessarily, although mental illness can play a major role. Christopher J. Ferguson, associate professor and department chair of psychology at Stetson University said in an article after the Sandy Hook shootings, "Our country's funding for mental-health services has only gotten worse since the 2008 recession. As the National Alliance on Mental Illness has been warning for some time, the existing level of funding is inadequate, so our nation's ability to identify and care for the severely mentally ill has been hamstrung. . . Obviously, the vast majority of the chronically mentally ill won't commit crimes, certainly not the severity of the Sandy Hook shooting. But by leaving the mentally ill adrift to fend for themselves, we miss the opportunity to identify and treat some of these at-risk individuals before they escalate."

According to Phil Chalmers author of Inside the mind of a Teen Killer, ". . . kids give off warnings signs and there are things you could look for. He says bullying and unstable homes are top reasons why teens commit the crime. The teen may also display suicidal feelings or become obsessed with violent media."

Dr. Peter Langman presents the psychological causes of school shootings and offers insight into why certain teens exhibit the potential to kill. He shows how to identify early signs of possible violence and offers preventative measures that parents and educators can take to protect their communities. http://www.schoolshooters.info/PL/Prevention.html

A young person's brain is not fully developed until they are about twenty-five. Some of the fundamental stepping stones to maturity, such as emotions, impulse restraint, and appropriate social behavior aren't fully functional. Our teens need guidance and validation. They often suffer from the inability to make rational decisions and the lack of a qualified support system. Be there for your teen and support them, don't leave them adrift to fend for themselves.

October 22nd, 2013

10/22/2013

October 22nd, 2013

10/22/2013

Go for it!

10/21/2013

"Don't be afraid to go after what you want."
-Theresa Larsen

This is my motto for this next year. I just had my birthday and I was asked, "What do you want for this next year?" Well there it is, go for it.

Self-forgiveness

10/18/2013

"The kindest and most compassionate thing you can do for yourself and others is to forgive
yourself." -unknown author

"Self-forgiving is:
-Accepting yourself as a human who has faults and makes mistakes.
-Letting go of self-anger for your past failures, errors, and mistakes.
-The act of self-love after you have admitted your failure, mistake, or misdeed.
-Calming self-rejection, quieting the sense of failure, and lightening the burden of guilt.
-The act of letting go of the need to work so hard to make up for your past offenses.

In the absence of self-forgiveness, you run the risk of:
-Unresolved hurt, pain, and suffering from self-destructive behaviors.
-Unresolved guilt and remorse for self-inflicted offenses.
-Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks toward yourself.
-Being caught up in unresolved self-anger, self-hatred, and self-blaming.
-Defensive and distant behavior with others.
-Pessimism, negativity, and non-growth oriented behavior.
-Having a festering wound that never allows the revitalization of self-healing.
-Fear over making new mistakes or of having the old mistakes revealed.
-Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non-approval, low self-esteem, and low self-worth.

New behaviors needed to create self-forgiveness.
In order to forgive yourself you need to practice:
-Letting go of past hurt and pain.
-Trusting in your goodness.
-Letting go of fears for the future.
-Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth.
-Taking a risk.
-Letting go of self-hostility, resentment, and self-destructive behaviors.
-Working out your self-anger.
-Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward and getting back on the wagon of recovery immediately.
-Developing an openness to the belief that you can change.
-Developing trust in yourself.
-Open, honest, and assertive communication with yourself concerning hurts, pains, and offenses experienced.
-Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block you ability to forgive yourself."

Unknown author of article

Is it easy to develop self-forgiveness? No, it certainly is not and it takes time and patience.
My son struggled, and still struggles, with self-forgiveness. He blames himself when he can't accomplish goals he sets for himself, he blames himself if he gets angry at someone, he blames himself for not being able to overcome his illness. He knows that self-forgiveness is important and he has worked very hard at it. He wrote about it when he was fifteen years old.

"I forgive my parents for the things that they did. I understand it was to help me get better. I feel terrible about how I treated them on my arrival here and my time at the mental hospital. I know they forgive me because they have said so. But I can't seem to forgive myself for the things I have said and done. They must love me a lot to care this much. But I can't help from crying. I love them too, which also makes me feel like shit about how I treated them. I forgive my parents. But I can't forgive myself. I forgive, them they forgive me. I don't forgive myself. All the hateful things I have written and drawn about my parents. I was so evil. But I will change. No more will I hurt my parents. It only hurts myself. I will change. I will forgive myself."

Self-forgiveness is done in baby steps, small steps, often.

TMS

10/16/2013

According to Mayo clinic "Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of depression. Transcranial magnetic stimulation may be tried when other depression treatments haven't worked. With TMS, a large electromagnetic coil is placed against your scalp near your forehead. The electromagnet used in TMS creates electric currents that stimulate nerve cells in the region of your brain involved in mood control and depression.
Because TMS is a relatively new depression treatment — approved by the Food and Drug administration in 2008 — more studies can help determine how effective it is, which treatment techniques work best and whether it has any long-term side effects.
Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is the least invasive of the brain-stimulation procedures used for depression. Unlike vagus nerve stimulation or deep brain stimulation, TMS doesn't require surgery or implantation of electrodes. And, unlike electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), it doesn't cause
seizures or require complete sedation with anesthesia."

"For hundreds of years, and in several ancient civilizations, magnets have been valued for their health benefits."

Read more: http://www.ehow.com/facts_4843776_health-benefits-magnets.html#ixzz2hRuN2Tk2

This is another treatment that was recommended for my son's depression. We never used TMS because it was so new there were very few places conducting it, however it is certainly a method we would try in the future if needed.

ECT

10/15/2013

Mayo clinic defines it as: "Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is a procedure in which electric currents are passed through the brain, intentionally triggering a brief seizure. ECT seems to cause changes in brain chemistry that can quickly reverse symptoms of certain mental illnesses. It often works when other treatments are unsuccessful."

This a very different treatment to the one you may have heard of from the 1940's and 1950's when it was called electric shock therapy and was administered in almost cruel conditions with severe side effects.

This type of therapy is used to "reboot" the brain, much like you would reboot a computer when it is having issues. Why use ECT? "Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) can provide rapid, significant improvements in severe symptoms of a number of mental health conditions. It may be an effective
treatment in someone who is suicidal, for instance, or end an episode of severe mania. ECT is used to treat:

Severe depression, particularly when accompanied by detachment from reality (psychosis), a desire to commit suicide or refusal to eat.
Treatment-resistant depression, a severe depression that doesn't improve with medications or other treatments.
Severe mania, a state of intense euphoria, agitation or hyperactivity that occurs as part of bipolar disorder. Other signs of mania include impaired decision making, impulsive or risky behavior, substance abuse, and psychosis.
Catatonia, characterized by lack of movement, fast or strange movements, lack of speech, and other symptoms. It's associated with schizophrenia and some other psychiatric disorders. In some cases, catatonia is caused by a medical illness.
Agitation and aggression in people with dementia, which can be difficult to treat and negatively affect quality of life."

-Mayo clinic

My son suffers from the severe depression that is accompanied by psychosis, it is also treatment-resistant. ECT has been suggested for his type of illness. He was only fifteen when it was first recommended and I thought he was too young. Later when he was seventeen it was recommended again, if he did not improve on the drugs he was trying at that time, but somehow we never tried this type of procedure. I wonder if we had if it would have made a difference. There are, of course, side effects as with any type of medical procedure, but maybe the benefits would have outweighed the side effects. It is something I keep in the back of my mind with the idea that if he is struggling with these types of severe difficulties in the future he should try the ECT. When you don't think anything will help, what have you got to lose?

Dr. Menninger

10/14/2013

“Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one.”

-Dr. William Menninger

William Claire Menninger (October 15, 1899 – September 1966) was a co-founder with his brother Karl and his father of The Menninger Foundation in Topeka, Kansas, which is an internationally known center for treatment of behavioral disorders.

The Menninger Clinic is one of the nation's leading inpatient psychiatric hospitals. They are dedicated to treating individuals with complex mental illness, including severe mood, personality, anxiety, and addictive disorders. They are equally committed to teaching future mental health professionals and
advancing mental healthcare through research.

check them out at: http://www.menningerclinic.com/

mental illness and substance abuse

10/12/2013

"The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is the agency within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that leads public health efforts to advance the behavioral health of the nation. SAMHSA's mission is to reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental illness on America's communities." www.samhsa.gov

Whenever I searched for information for my son the computer would always lead me to places for youth with substance abuse. I would get very confused, because my son wasn't using drugs, he was having other problems. I was upset that anyone with a mental health issue was automatically lumped in with substance abuse users.

What I have discovered, after many years of dealing with his issues, is that a lot of people use some type of drug to self-medicate. They are in overwhelming emotional pain and using a drug to ease their pain seems like a good idea. What I didn't realize was that my son had his own "abusive drug" that he relied on to ease his pain. It is called self-harm.

Self-harming is his way of self-medicating. It is his unhealthy coping skill, much like smoking marijuana or popping ecstasy is to someone else. What I realized is his self-harming is no better or worse than any other person abusing a prescription or non-prescription drug. I now know that he was correctly lumped into the group of substance abuse and mental illness, he had his own "drug" and he used it often.

Check out this site for information on teens and drug use: http://teens.drugabuse.gov/

How to help your teen through depression

10/11/2013

www.helpguide.org has great tips for teen depression they are stated below

"Tips for Talking to a Depressed Teen
Offer support
Let depressed teenagers know that you’re there for them, fully, and unconditionally. Hold back            from asking a lot of questions (teenagers don’t like to feel patronized or crowded), but make it clear that you’re ready and willing to provide whatever support they need.

Be gentle but persistent
Don’t give up if your adolescent shuts you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Be respectful of your child’s comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.

Listen without lecturing
Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teenager begins to talk. The important            thing is that your child is communicating. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or ultimatums as well.

Validate feelings
Don’t try to talk your teen out of his or her depression, even if his or her feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Simply acknowledge the pain and sadness he or she is feeling. If you don't    he or she will feel like you don't take his or her emotions seriously.

Seek out a depression specialist
If there are no health problems that are causing your teenager’s depression, ask your doctor to refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in children and adolescents. Depression in teens can be tricky, particularly when it comes to treatment options such as medication. A mental health professional with advanced training and a strong background treating adolescents is the best bet for your teenager’s best care.
When choosing a specialist, always get your child’s input. Teenagers are dependent on parents for making many of their health decisions, so listen to what they’re telling you. No one therapist is a miracle worker, and no one treatment works for everyone. If your child feels uncomfortable or is just not ’connecting’ with the psychologist or psychiatrist, ask for a referral to another provider that may be better suited to your teenager.

Supporting a teen through depression treatment
As the depressed teenager in your life goes through treatment, the most important thing you can do is to let him or her know that you’re there to listen and offer support. Now more than ever, your teenager needs to know that he or she is valued, accepted, and cared for.

Be understanding. Living with a depressed teenager can be difficult and draining. At times, you may experience exhaustion, rejection, despair, aggravation, or any other number of negative emotions. During this trying time, it’s important to remember that your child is not being difficult on purpose. Your teen is suffering, so do your best to be patient and
understanding.
Encourage physical activity. Encourage your teenager to stay active. Exercise can go a long way toward relieving the symptoms of depression, so find ways to incorporate it into your teenager’s day. Something as simple as walking the dog or going on a bike ride can be beneficial.
Encourage social activity. Isolation only makes depression worse, so encourage your teenager to see friends and praise efforts to socialize. Offer to take your teen out with friends or suggest social activities that might be of interest, such as sports, after-school clubs, or an art
class.
Stay involved in treatment. Make sure your teenager is following all treatment instructions and going to therapy. It’s especially important that your child takes any prescribed medication as instructed. Track changes in your teen’s condition, and call the doctor if depression symptoms seem to be getting worse.
Learn about depression. Just like you would if your child had a disease you knew very little about, read up on depression so that you can be your own 'expert.' The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to help your depressed teen. Encourage your teenager to learn more about depression as well. Reading up on his or her condition can help a depressed teen realize that he or she is not alone, giving your child a better understanding of what he or she is going through.

The road to your depressed teenager’s recovery may be bumpy, so be patient. Rejoice in small victories and prepare for the occasional setback. Most importantly, don’t judge yourself or compare your family to others. As long as you’re doing your best to get your teen the necessary help, you’re doing your job."

Signs of depression in youth

10/10/2013

Signs and symptoms include:

Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Irritability, anger, or hostility
Restlessness or agitation
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable
Fatigue and decreased energy
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Overeating, or appetite loss
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.
Tearful or frequent crying
Withdrawal from friends or family
Lack of enthusiasm or motivation

According to the National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/

"Only in the past two decades has depression in children been taken very seriously. The depressed child may pretend to be sick, refuse to go to school, cling to a parent, or worry that the parent may die. Older children may sulk, get into trouble at school, be negative, grouchy, and feel misunderstood.
Because normal behaviors vary from one childhood stage to another, it can be difficult to tell whether a child is just going through a temporary 'phase' or is suffering from depression. Sometimes the parents become worried about how the child's behavior has changed, or a teacher mentions that 'your child doesn't seem to be himself.' In such a case, if a visit to the child's pediatrician rules out physical symptoms, the doctor will probably suggest that the child be evaluated, preferably by a psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of children."

Depression can be so difficult to diagnose. Like any other mental illness it can have many signs and symptoms and not all are the same for each person. Watch out for these signs in your adolescent and seek help, like any illness depression is damaging if left untreated.

Why are our youth suffering from emotional overloads?

10/9/2013

Emotional overload can lead to anxiety, stress, depression, and self-harming. Why are our youth suffering from these emotional overloads? It could be several reasons.

According to http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/dlp/depression-information/teen-depression/
"What we are seeing are changes in society where basic needs for companionship, healthy goals, responsibility, connection to others, and meaning are not automatically met. Children, adolescents, and teens are fed a constant diet of images showing how we are meant to look, sound, and be, and told that this is important in life. Meaning is attached to what they have, or look like, rather than what they do, or achieve.

Regardless of our own affluence, we see what those at the 'top' have and are told we should have it too, without thought for the tools or strategies to go about achieving it. During childhood, teenage years, and particularly adolescence, pressure to conform with peers can be almost intolerably strong. If children feel different, inadequate, or deprived in some way, then depression may result, depending on how they deal with it.

While the triggers or causes of teenage depression may not appear as major events to many adults, it is the sufferer's perception. . . " (see my blog from September 14th on perception) ". . . that is so important.

How important these triggers are to the sufferer is all too evident in the statistics below.
Teenage Depression and Suicide

Suicide amongst teenagers & young adults has increase 3 fold since 1970.
90% of suicide amongst teenagers had a diagnosable mental illness, depression being the most common.
In 1996 suicide was the 4th biggest killer of 10 to 14 year olds, and the 3rd biggest killer of 15 to 24 year olds.

It is clear that not only are young people becoming more depressed, they are responding to this depression by killing themselves. The high rate of suicide may be due to the intense pressures felt by teenagers, coupled with a lack of life experiences that tell them that situations, however bad, tend to get better with time. They are also less likely to possess more subtle thinking styles, being prone to the more extreme, 'all or nothing' style of thinking."

If your child or teen is exhibiting signs of depression seek help from a professional, don't assume they will grow out of it, and don't assume they are fine just because they say they are.

Is self-injurious behavior becoming an epidemic?

10/8/2013

3 teens self-harm per hour in the U.K.

In 2003-2004 23,087 were hospitalized for self-harm in Australia

3,000,000 Americans self-harm

Is Self-Injurious behavior becoming an epidemic?

According to Aaron D. McClelland it is. His research below is astounding and posted from his website. http://admcclelland.blogspot.com/2012/08/self-injury-series-introduction.html

"Self-Injury is one of the most misunderstood, mythologized, and ignored mental health issues
we face. The statistics gathered throughout North America and Europe reveal the practice of self-injury is more widespread and more complex than most people realize.

Research conducted by Dr. Mary K. Nixon and her team at the University of Victoria
(Nixon, Jansson, Cloutier, 2005) indicated the following results that have been corroborated in various other studies throughout North America;

16.9% of adolescents between the ages of 12 and 18 self-injured for an average of 21 months
75.8% were female
Average age of onset was 15.3 years
58% stopped self-injuring during adolescence
42% continued to self-injure into adulthood

Another more recent longitudinal study (Hawton, Zahl, Weatherall, 2011) conducted in the United Kingdom that tracked 11,583 patients who presented to hospital after deliberate self-injury between 1978 and 1997 revealed the following troubling statistics on completed suicides for people who self-injure long term;

Patients were 66 times more likely to complete suicide than the general population one year after onset (0.7%)
5 years after onset - 160 times more likely (1.7%)
10 years after onset - 226 times more likely (2.4%)
15 years after onset - 283 times more likely (3.0%)

To put these numbers into a local perspective. . ." Aaron McClelland ". . . looks at school populations in the area where his therapeutic practice is located: The Okanagan Valley in British Columbia has three school districts; Okanagan/Skaha, Kelowna, and Vernon. Applying the statistics gathered in the above study to enrollment numbers for the 2011-2012 school year;

Vernon School District 22 had 3907 students between the ages of 12-18 years enrolled. Of those;

660 will self-injure for an average of 21 months
277 will continue into adulthood
8 will complete suicide within 15 years of the onset of self-injury

Okanagan/Skaha School District 67 had 4025 students between the ages of 12-18 years enrolled. Of those;

680 will self-injure for an average of 21 months
286 will continue into adulthood
8 will complete suicide within 15 years of the onset of self-injury

Kelowna School District 23 had 9426 students between the ages of 12-18 years enrolled. Of those;

1593 will self-injure for an average of 21 months
669 will continue into adulthood
20 will complete suicide within 15 years of the onset of self-injury

Looking at these numbers is tragic when – aside from the suicide risk - you also take
into account the years of pain and suffering these individuals will endure. And never doubt for a moment that those who self-injure for a prolonged period of time suffer torment as they enter into a cycle of self-loathing/shame, unbearable tension, overwhelming emotional distress, self-injury, and relief. Relief that once again leads to self-loathing or shame and begins the cycle once more."

Dr. Mary K. Nixon's study (above) from 2005 show 16.9% of adolescents self-harm. This means for every 10 adolescents you see 1 or 2 have, are, or will self-harm in their life-time and if the self-harming continues over a fifteen year period, 3% will complete suicide. This figure is from 2005 and the numbers increase each year. Why?

Why are our youth suffering from overwhelming emotional burdens?

Self-harm, what is it and why do they do it?

10/7/2013

According to Mayo clinic, "Self-injury, also called self-harm, is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's typically not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger, and frustration."

". . . an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger, and frustration."
This is what self-harm is, a coping skill. Is it a good coping skill? No, but it is a coping skill. Most people self-harm, not to commit suicide, but to stop themselves from committing suicide. It sounds crazy, I know, I've lived with it in my home and it wasn't pretty. One of the issues with self-harm, or cutting in my son's case, is that in this act of not trying to commit suicide the self-harmer can become so overwhelmed with intense feelings they may not realize how severe they are self injuring and accidently kill themselves.

The self-harm releases endorphins into the system, creating a type of "high." This release of endorphins makes the self-harmer feel better for that moment and helps to reduce their intense emotional overload. The problem is, apart from the obvious, the "high" can be addictive. The self-harm then becomes a vicious addictive circle of emotional suffering, emotional overload, panic, self-harm, and temporary relief.

As a parent you want to protect your child from all the bad things that might come into their life, but how do you protect them from themselves?

Teaching the self-harmer helpful coping skills is the only way to help them. They must have a way to release their intense feelings of pain, but in a healthy, productive way. There are many websites out there dedicated to self-harming and they all have good information. After much research, the following are some of the best sites I have found:
www.selfinjuryfoundation.org
www.selfinjury.com
www.selfinjuryhelp.com
www.helpguide.org

There are also many facilities that treat self-injurious behavior, but they usually aren't covered under insurance and they are very expensive. Do they work? Yes, while the person is there, but, like with any addiction, unless the self-harmer truly wants to stop and use healthy coping skills nobody can force them to stop. Love and validation of their feelings are the best way to help a self-harmer. They need to know they aren't being judged and that they are still loved, even though they are doing this "thing" that seems abhorrent.

My son suffers from the addiction of self-harming. He has learned many healthy coping skills and he has spent many months in psychiatric facilities, but even now, after several years, he still falls into self-harming behavior when his depression and emotional pain overwhelm him. He knows it isn't the healthy thing to do and he tries many other coping skills, but he often goes back to this obsession because it is easy and, at that moment, it works. He struggles everyday with it and one day, I am hopeful, he will beat it.

After seventeen months in a residential treatment center my son, who was sixteen years old at the time, wrote this about self-harm.

"A single reason to continue on this path I have made for such a long time has left me completely. Now I find myself searching for what used to be, instead of what should be. Lost and confused, I stagger back and forth for a while, trying to find my balance.
The initial shock has kicked in and a life with this, this lack of what I depended on, is flashing before my eyes. At first glance I yearn for my satisfaction once again. I want to cradle my obsession, and love my obsession, but leaving impulse behind requires me to think forwardly and consequentially. The potential my life now holds is not fathomable. I am slowly beginning to realize what this has held me from becoming. That I am capable of achieving all my aspirations. That the monster that has festered for, it seems like an eternity, inside of me can be tamed. And being held back from the true self will only cause me to bask in the reality that is me. Relishing the every moment I succeed."

Don't judge the self-harmer in your life, instead help them tame the monster that festers inside of them.

How do you survive and reverse the effects of burnout?

10/5/2013

So you have decided you are burned out, what now?

An article on helpguide.org written by Melinda Smith, M.A., Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Robert Segal, M.A., explain great coping strategies as the "three R" approach: "recognize-watch for warning signs of burnout, reverse-undo the damage by managing stress and seeking support, and resilience-build your resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health."

The best thing to do, if you are noticing signs of burnout, is to use preventative strategies. Prevention is easier than recovery. You know what to do to prevent this, it's what we should be doing everyday only we don't.
1) Take time to relax, I know you don't have time to relax. Well you better make time and do it quickly or you won't be around for your life. Examples of relaxation include meditation, journaling, taking a walk, deep breathing, and stretching.
2) Eat healthy, obvious, but are you?
3) Exercise, even a simple walk or stretching is better than nothing.
4) Set boundaries in your life. Say no when you can't do something.
5) Do something you enjoy. Whether it's creative or physical, it is important.
6) Take a break from technology. Turn off that phone, computer or Ipad, and walk away from it for a while, it will be okay.
Yes, yes, yes, you've heard it all before, but it really is the answer. You really do have to take time for yourself and be healthy, it's not rocket science.

So, if you haven't done these things and you are in full-blown burnout you must learn how to recover.
I relied on www.helpguide.org again for this information:

While the tips for preventing burnout are still helpful at this stage, recovery requires additional steps.

Burnout recovery strategy #1: Slow down
When you’ve reached the end stage of burnout, adjusting your attitude or looking after your health isn’t going to solve the problem. You need to force yourself to slow down or take a break. Cut back
whatever commitments and activities you can. Give yourself time to rest, reflect, and heal.

Burnout recovery strategy #2: Get support
When you’re burned out, the natural tendency is to protect what little energy you have left by isolating yourself. But your friends and family are more important than ever during difficult times. Turn to your loved ones for support. Simply sharing your feelings with another person can relieve some of the burden.

Burnout recovery strategy #3: Reevaluate your goals and priorities
Burnout is an undeniable sign that something important in your life is not working. Take time to think about your hopes, goals, and dreams. Are you neglecting something that is truly important to you? Burnout can be an opportunity to rediscover what really makes you happy and to change course accordingly.

Recovering from burnout: Acknowledge your losses
Burnout brings with it many losses, which can often go unrecognized. Unrecognized losses trap a lot of your energy. It takes a tremendous amount of emotional control to keep yourself from feeling the pain of these losses. When you recognize these losses and allow yourself to grieve them, you release that trapped energy and open yourself to healing.

Loss of the idealism or dream with which you entered your career
Loss of the role or identity that originally came with your job
Loss of physical and emotional energy
Loss of friends, fun, and sense of community
Loss of esteem, self-worth, and sense of control and mastery
Loss of joy, meaning and purpose that make work – and life –
worthwhile

Source: Keeping the Fire by Ruth Luban

Remember to be patient. You did not burnout overnight, it was probably over several years, and it will take some time to recover, but you can recover. Do sometime good for yourself before you can't do anything at all.

Are you burned out?

10/4/2013

"My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night."
Edna St. Vincent Millay

Everyone wants to do their best, give their best, and be the best at their job or in their life, but it can come with a price. Burnout.

I came across an excellent article written by Adam Dachis on a website called lifehacker.com
He compiled this comprehensive list of the symptoms of burnout:

    -A generally negative attitude, often paired with the feeling that nothing is going to work out.
    -Inability to concentrate.
    -General apathy toward work, chores, and other tasks.
    -Feelings of stagnation.
    -A lack of interest in social activities and being with others.
    -Difficulty with healthy habits like exercise, diet, and regular sleep.
    -Feeling like you're never doing enough.
    -Neglecting your own needs (and putting the needs of others ahead of your own).
    -Personal values and beliefs lose their importance.
    -Short temper.
    -Constant exhaustion.
    -Feelings of inefficacy.
    -Feelings of detachment from people and things you care about.
    -Frequent boredom.
    -Psychosomatic or real complaints, such as headaches, lingering colds,
     and other issues with a cause that's difficult to identify.
    -Denial of these feelings.

If you have some or all of these symptoms it is important to figure out why? Examine your life and see what things or thing is causing you the most frustration, grief, or anxiety. This will probably be the cause of the burnout.

I will write about ways to help with burnout tomorrow.

Finding a competent therapist or counselor

10/3/2013

When my son first starting having issues at approximately nine years old I knew he needed to see someone, who was impartial and trained, to help him with his problems. I went on a quest to find a competent therapist. When doing so, it is important to get a referral from someone. Therapists are generally competent, but not all are good.

My second suggestion when finding a therapist, after you have gotten a referral, is find someone who is covered under your insurance, if you have insurance. The worst thing is to find a therapist you think is great, and your child thinks is great and all of the sudden they are there with the therapist once a week, because they probably need to be, at $110 an hour, when it would have been a $30 co-pay on your insurance.

After you have your a referral, checked this person is on your insurance, then call or email them. Speak to them via phone or email and see if you like them and if they are willing to give you time to discuss your child with them. If you feel they may be the right person, then make an appointment, without your child, and go to see them yourself. Always see them first to decide if this is someone you feel comfortable leaving your child or teen with an hour at a time to discuss their private feelings.

If your child or teen is having problems, don't hesitate to find a counselor for them to talk to. They may be reluctant, but keep trying, it could save their life.

Don't forget about the other siblings in the household. If one sibling is having a difficult, troubled time the others will be affected, do not forget about them. Children are extremely aware of what is going on in their surroundings and need to know that it's okay to be upset and maybe they need to talk to a counselor too.

Being a parent is tough. Nobody ever tells you how tough.

"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a
pianist." Michael Levine

There are no books out there that tell you everything you need to know about parenting. Do your best for yourself and your child and make sure you rest in between.

Borderline Personality Disorder

10/1/2013

This disorder is described in an article by Barry Kiehn and Michaela Swales, “An Overview of Dialectical Behavior Therapy in the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder” that appeared on priory.com in 1993. “Patients showing the features of Borderline Personality Disorder . . . are
notoriously difficult to treat. They are difficult to keep in therapy, frequently fail to respond to our therapeutic efforts, and make considerable demands on the emotional resources of the therapist, particularly when suicidal and parasuicidal behaviors are prominent.”

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, “. . . to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a person must show an enduring pattern of behavior that includes at least five of the following symptoms:

Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.”

My son has at least seven, if not all nine enduring symptoms of this disorder.

It is not necessarily important to label any illness, but it gives you an idea of how to treat it and for some reason it gives you a sense of peace to have a name for it.

According to the Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsh M. Linehan, “. . . the core disorder in BPD is emotion dysregulation . . . borderline individuals have difficulties in regulating several, if not all, emotions.” They have . . . “an emotional response system that is oversensitive and overreactive . . . Researchers have estimated that up to 75% of individuals with BPD have experienced some sort of sexual abuse in childhood . . . It is unclear, however, whether the abuse in and of itself facilitates the development of borderline patterns, or whether the
abuse and the development of the disorder both result from the extent of the familial dysfunction and invalidation.”

Are you born with BPD?

Does it develop because of a dysfunctional family and invalidation as a child?

Or does someone develop it because of a sexual abuse?

These are questions no one can answer completely.

According to an article by Barry Kiehn and Michaela Swales, “The disorder is a consequence of an ‘emotionally vulnerable’ individual growing up within a particular set of environmental circumstances which M. Linehan refers to as the ‘invalidating environment’ . . . An ‘emotionally vulnerable’ person in
this sense is someone whose autonomic nervous system reacts excessively to relatively low levels of stress and takes longer than normal to return to baseline once the stress is removed . . . The term ‘invalidating environment’ refers essentially to a situation in which the personal experiences and
responses of the growing child are disqualified or ‘invalidated’ by the significant others in his/her life . . . an Invalidating Environment is characterized by a tendency to place a high value on self-control and self-reliance.”

Matthew’s personality is described almost perfectly in the next part of this article.

“They are aware of their difficulty coping with stress and may blame others for having unrealistic expectations and making unreasonable demands . . . They invalidate their own responses and have unrealistic goals and expectations, feeling ashamed and angry with themselves when they experience difficulty or fail to achieve their goals. Next, they tend to experience frequent traumatic environmental events . . . This results in what Linehan refers to as a pattern of ‘unrelenting crisis’ . . . Patients with BPD are active in finding other people who will solve their problems for them but are
passive in relation to solving their own problems . . . they may indeed be competent, but their skills do not generalize across different situations and are dependent on the mood state of the moment. A pattern of self-mutilation tends to develop as a means of coping with the intense and painful feelings
experienced by these patients and suicide attempts may be seen as an expression of the fact that life at times simply does not seem worth living.”

When I found this article I couldn’t believe how accurately it described my son. He was a quiet, sensitive child who grew up with a father that expected him to be tough and not show his emotions or weakness, but instead control them. He was emotionally vulnerable and he witnessed frequent traumatic events in his household as a child.

The next part of the article also described Matthew well. He was passive in solving his problems and he let others assume the role of caretaker and activist for him, and I was excellent at assuming that role.

The last part of the article told about the pattern of self-harm entering the picture to help the person deal with the intense emotional feelings they have. When Matthew started self harming, he truly was not sure if life was worth living.

Validation, it is so incredibly important. Learn what it is and use it with your children and teens.