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Thank you Sarah Fader at Stigma Fighters for asking me to guest blog on your site. Please read my post by following the link http://stigmafighters.com/stigma-fighters-theresa-larsen/ Have a look at all the wonderful work Sarah and her team are doing to reduce the stigma of mental illness at http://stigmafighters.com/ 
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Do Not Become a Servant to Self-Harm
I was horrified to hear about young girls cutting themselves because “One Direction” band member, Zayn Malik, was leaving the group. Self-harm should not be taken lightly or used as a method of manipulation and control. Self-injurious behavior is often the result of suppressing an intense emotional overload. When these feelings become more than the individual is able to bear they can spill out as self-harm. This behavior is used as a coping skill, but certainly not a healthy one, and definitely not one that should be promoted to young, vulnerable people. My son self-harmed for years. It became obsessive and addicting. He described it in his journals. “A single drop makes even the strongest shudder. My own suffering caused from a powerless action. A desperate plea for the sight of my own blood. Striking the match of simple pleasures, leading myself to failure.” He calls it “a powerless action” because he did not gain any power in self-harm. He, in essence, became its servant and it was leading him on a road to failure. If you haven’t self-harmed, but are thinking about it, don’t do it! Cutting is not the answer to your problems. It will only bring more emotional pain in the long run. There are many other activities out there instead of self-harm and they do work. These are the ones that worked for my son:
Remember there is always hope. My son has found his way out of the darkness that consumed him time and time again. He works hard to maintain a healthy life. This is what he wrote after years of fighting depression and struggling to break free of the clutches of cutting. “A single reason to continue on this path I have made for such a long time has left me completely. Now I find myself searching for what used to be, instead of what should be. Lost and confused, I stagger back and forth for a while, trying to find my balance. The initial shock has kicked in and a life with this, this lack of what I depended on, is flashing before my eyes. At first glance I yearn for my satisfaction once again. I want to cradle my obsession and love my obsession, but leaving impulse behind requires me to think forwardly and consequentially. The potential my life now holds is not fathomable. I am slowly beginning to realize what this has held me from becoming, that I am capable of achieving all my aspirations. That the monster that has festered for, it seems like an eternity, inside of me can be tamed, and being held back from the true self will only cause me to bask in the reality that is me. Relishing every moment I succeed.” I was asked to write a guest blog for a wonderful person in my area who is working to minimize the stigma of mental illness. She created the site "I Still Matter" and has held monthly art groups for the community. The world's largest crowd funding festival "One Spark" is held in Jacksonville, FL and I Still Matter will be launching it's exhibit titled Inside Out. "Inside Out is an exploration of self. It’s a journey into the inside of mental illness and it encourages people to 'come out' about their diagnosis in hope that others will feel comfortable doing the same. It encourages a sense of togetherness which is exactly what one needs when one feels utterly alone."
Please visit and explore the "I Still Matter" website, and read my blog. http://istillmatter.org/?p=184
My son, “Matthew,” plays guitar, piano, and loves to draw. He is sensitive and kind, but easily offended and emotionally vulnerable. He is intelligent and often has high expectations and unrealistic goals that he can’t always achieve. Not reaching those goals makes him angry and ashamed.
Matthew mentioned depression when he was eleven years old, saying there was no point in living. I did not give this statement the attention it deserved. I did not realize it was depression. I discovered the slices on my son’s arms in January of 2009, just four months after his fourteenth birthday. Cutting himself wasn’t the first mark of troubled emotions. He didn’t want to go to school, or complete his homework. He was irritable and didn’t want to participate in family activities. He often isolated in his room listening to questionable music. I equated his attitude to “being a teenager.” Physically hurting himself was new. Matthew’s depression wasn’t always outwardly noticeable, there were signs, if I had known what to look for and had thought to look. Once I discovered Matthew’s self-harm, I did everything I could to help him deal with his emotions. Unfortunately what I was able to give him was not enough. For several months I watched my son struggle with an intense emotional burden that threatened to overwhelm him. He saw psychiatrists and counselors. He took medication and learned therapeutic skills. Despite this, he would come to me again and again with shame and remorse after cutting. Nothing released his pain like self-harm. After an episode of self-injury the suicidal sadness and anger we saw in Matthew was suppressed, an emerging pattern. Cutting apparently gave him a release from his emotional turmoil, and then he could cope with life. It was weirdly logical, but dangerous. My son spent many months in full-time psychiatric facilities learning healthy skills to apply to his major depressive disorder. During his time in one facility he stated, “Death is my only option out of my emotional pain.” He truly believed that life at times simply was not worth living. In one week Matthew could waver on the precipice of death and self-destruction and the next week he could stay positive and shift forward. Little by little, and after an enormous amount of work and pain, he was able to see that maybe there was something better than hurting himself to deal with his illness. During group therapy in Matthew’s final day at a treatment center, he told his peers “Hang in there and have hope. It does get better.” Before full-time treatment, my son was not able to share his emotional pain because of the stigma associated with his illness. He blamed himself. He felt ashamed and embarrassed. So instead of talking, he cut. Not everyone who self-harms is depressed; they may be dealing with another emotional pain, but everyone who self-harms is pleading for help. I can look back now after a great deal of progress, and after hearing stories of young people killing themselves when the parents were not even aware that there child was depressed, and say that I am grateful my son self-harmed. I would never have thought those words could come out of my mouth, but I know that the alternative is my worst nightmare. I don’t condone self-injurious behavior; I think it is addictive and destructive. But, I am thankful that my son chose this outward display of his emotional pain, instead of burying it deep within himself, only to carry out the ultimate release. I am reminded of the story of Corrie Ten Boom who wrote the best-selling book, The Hiding Place. Corrie tells the story of her family and their work to help Jews escape the Nazi holocaust during WWII. The family was discovered and imprisoned, after saving over 800 lives. Corrie and her sister managed to sneak a Bible into the concentration camp, a crime punishable by death. In their horrific living conditions, Corrie and her sister Betsie, continued to “be thankful in all things.” They lived in barracks infested with fleas and found a way to be thankful for the fleas. They soon discovered that it was the fleas that keep the guards from coming in to harass the prisoners and it was the fleas that keep the guards from searching their barracks and finding their Bible. For many years I was not thankful for my son’s actions to overcome his depression. In fact I was angry and embarrassed. When I was able to step back and see his behavior objectively, I understood that the self-injury saved his life. If Matthew had not felt the shame of depression, maybe he would have discussed it with me, instead of hurting himself. If he had not felt alone, maybe he would have been able to seek out helpful coping skills from his parents, teachers or friends instead of having to carry the burden of depression all on his own. I am grateful for my son’s self-harming behavior. He silently screamed for help. He is alive today and doing well, having overcome the addiction of cutting and the stigma of self-harm and depression. He is no longer afraid to ask for help. LOOK: For the signs of depression. LISTEN: To your child and yourself, and don’t be afraid to talk about it. GO: Find the help you need. For more information visit my resources page 
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has launched "Say It Out Loud," a program for faith communities and civic organizations to use in reaching out to youth, ages 14 to 18, to start conversations about mental health. "One in five teens live with mental health conditions. Less than half get help and more than 4,000 teens die from suicide every year," said NAMI executive director Mary Giliberti. "Faith communities and other organizations that sponsor youth groups are in unique positions to encourage teen conversations."
"It's time to end the silence. It's time to talk constructively about mental health with young people. It's time to say it out loud." The "Say It Out Loud" tool-kit is free to download: www.nami.org/sayitoutloud. It includes:
The 10 Warning Signs
"We need to reach out to teens who are looking for guidance or who themselves are leaders among their peers." About NAMI NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to improving the lives of individuals and families affected by mental illness through research, education, support and advocacy. Please follow the link below and check out what NAMI is doing for your community. Do not be afraid to #sayitoutloud http://www.nami.org/sayitoutloud Perception, according to Wikipedia, "Is the organization, identification, and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment." Your perception is dissimilar to mine. The sensory information you process is unlike mine, so our perception of what we see and feel is different. If you have a mental illness, perception can be distorted. People who are experiencing a mental illness often feel locked in a world without a key to their future. They see their life disappear or remain stagnant, while those around them move toward a fulfilling life. "Life awaits. Meaningful friendships, inspiring work, independence, your place in the world. They’re all just waiting outside your door. Now imagine if that door was locked. No key, no side exit, you’re trapped , while everybody else blossoms around you. That’s what it feels like growing up with a mental illness." Daniel Pierce, Perception. We as a society, as a nation, as a world need to break down the barriers that lock the door to independence, progress, and hope for anyone who has a history of mental illness. Listen, talk, and listen some more. Sometimes being heard is all someone needs to move in a positive and healthy direction. Be the light in the darkness for your one in four.  Thank you to the local paper, The Resident, for sharing my memoir and website information.
http://www.pageturnpro.com/Resident-News-Group,-Inc/61964-Resident-News-ROAM-March-2015/index.html#1 Go to page 25 to read about "Avondale woman writes of experience with child's illness." I love the quote by Martin Luther King Jr. that says, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." This phrase is applicable to many things. Dr. King was referring to speaking out against racial injustice, but this quote can apply to anything that requires us to step up and speak out.
When I starting writing my memoir, Cutting the Soul, I was afraid to talk about my son’s mental illness, but I knew if I was going to put it out there in the world that I would have to learn to talk about it. So, like most things in life, I started with one small, timid step. Over time I became comfortable approaching people I did not know and telling them about my son’s illness. And do you know what happened? People actually listened and then they told me about their child, friend, or relative who was experiencing a similar issue. I learned that people actually do want to talk about mental illness. They want to know that they are not alone and that there are others who can offer insight, support, and guidance. Mother’s especially want to know that other mother’s are not perfect and that their children are not perfect and that it is okay. One of the worst feelings in the world is to feel alone. If you know that you are not enduring something alone it gives you hope. Do not be afraid to talk about mental illness. Talking about it will bring our nation out of the dark times and into the light of acceptance and understanding. Knowing that they are not alone will bring hope to those who experience mental illness. |
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