I love this quote. It is very inspiring.
I have had wonderful feedback after the release of my book. Have you read it? Let me know what you think? Write a review on Amazon. I'd love to hear from you.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."--Gandhi
I love this quote. It is very inspiring. I have had wonderful feedback after the release of my book. Have you read it? Let me know what you think? Write a review on Amazon. I'd love to hear from you.
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I am humbled by the kind words of encouragement and praise I have received about Cutting the Soul.
All parents go through difficult times with their children. Some when they are very young, others as teenagers, and many into their child's adulthood. We never stop worrying about our children, even when they are grown. Each stage can be challenging no matter what the issue. What one parent may perceive to be overwhelming, another will handle with ease. This does not make anyone's path more or less difficult, it is just different, and everyone's ability to handle situations they come across varies. Look for the positive in your situation, I know it is not easy. Don't be quick to judge others who seem to be having an easy time with their children. You never know what is going on behind closed doors. Whether you are dealing with physical illness, mental illness, or disciplinary issues with your children, remember somebody is enduring something worse. An easy journey is not always a successful one. I was recently asked why I wrote my memoir. "Did you write for fun, fame, or fortune?" was the question. I had to pause a moment to think about it and then said, "None of those things, I wrote it for me, for therapeutic reasons."
I have wanted to write a book for at least twenty years. I have started and stopped several times, but never had the correct topic or the right drive to get it finished. If you asked me four years ago if I would write about the trauma I was going through with my son, I would have given you a resounding, "No!" But as time has gone by and I have come to except the struggles, I realized, with help, that I needed to write about them. I had a deep desire to put it on paper. Believing it would give me comfort is why I wrote. The words came easy, the writing was fluid, and as I relived each painful moment, in the four years of the memoir, it was cathartic and I hoped it would help others too. It wasn't easy to write, at certain times I had to get up and walk away from my computer, breathe, leave it for a day or so, and come back to it later. My husband asked me why I was doing this if it was so painful? I simply stated that I had to, that it was a benefit to me, even if it was painful, and it has been a benefit. It has opened my eyes to understanding my son better. It has taught me a great deal about mental health and it has given me an opportunity to give advice to others going through similar situations. I feel lucky to have experienced the things in my life that I have. Would I want to repeat them? No, but can I learn from them and aid others in their journey? Absolutely. If you have not seen this link please check it out. It is a wonderful start to a new year, there are beautiful pictures and incredible statements that make you think about the need for acceptance and understanding on this planet.
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1IDN6GC5umKRIYBkHazM5yOxP15iC2w8FhS9we7zD-j0/embed?hl=en&size=m&slide=id.p4 New Year's Day often brings with it thoughts of resolutions. What can I do this year to make it better? Make your list manageable, not overwhelming. The best resolutions are those that can be achieved.
"A new day presents new challenges. New challenges present opportunity and growth shall result." --Matthew In two days it will be Christmas. I can't believe how it "sneaked" up on me. I knew it was coming, but somehow it always happens faster than I expected. Why do I often hear that people can't wait until the holidays are over? It should be a fun and exciting time, but it turns into stress over friends, families, parties, food, and gifts.
Instead of letting "the joy of Christmas" overwhelm you, make sure you take time out for yourself this holiday season. Slow down, find some space before, after, or during the craziness. Or better yet, don't let it become crazy. Choose what you want it to be. You don't have to do it all. My husband always said he loved the Christmas episode of "Magnum PI" where he went out on his kayak and spent the day alone. That was what he loved to do on Christmas, to be alone and do what he wanted. Although I do believe that same episode he experiences poor weather, capsizes the kayak, and spends 24 hours treading water before he is rescued. But, the concept is good, he just needed some safety equipment. Relax, enjoy and marvel in the simple things of Christmas. As a gift, I am offering a 15% discount on my book if you go to Amazon's publishing site, createspace, and order it, putting in the discount code 7SFEJXLD Createspace bookstore site is found on the "buy book" button of the excerpts and review page of my site. You can also order it directly on Amazon, they keep changing the price, so I never know what it is, from the "buy book" button on the first page of my site or at the link below. http://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Soul-Theresa-Larsen/dp/1502933101/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419430043&sr=8-1&keywords=cutting+the+soul Merry Christmas! Winston Churchill said, "Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement; then it becomes a mistress, and then it becomes a master, and then a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster, and fling him out to the public." It's been 2 1/2 years, and finally I have killed the monster, and flung him out to the public. Cutting the Soul is only available in paperback at the moment, but it will be ready as a digital book for your kindle or Ipad in a few days. I have changed the link on the first page and the excerpt page of my website to be able to go directly to createspace which is amazon's publishing store and order it, or you can click on the link below. http://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Soul-Theresa-Larsen/dp/1502933101/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419017461&sr=1-1&keywords=theresa+larsen I encourage you to please log onto amazon and write a review once you have read the book. Thank you all for your support. In my April 10, 2013 post I wrote about Malala Yousafzai, a young woman who risked her life to raise awareness of the terrorism that plagued her district in Pakistan. On Dec.10, 2014, at the age of 17, she was the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. The prize was won for her "struggle against the suppression of children and young people and for the right of all children to education." Once again, Malala's speech was motivational and moving. I have included an excerpt, but I encourage you to follow the link below and read the entire speech. "This award is not just for me. It is for those forgotten children who want education. It is for those frightened children who want peace. It is for those voiceless children who want change. I am here to stand up for their rights, to raise their voice… it is not time to pity them. It is not time to pity them. It is time to take action so it becomes the last time, the last time, so it becomes the last time that we see a child deprived of education. My great hope is that this will be the last time, this will be the last time we must fight for education. Let's solve this once and for all. We have already taken many steps. Now it is time to take a leap. Let us become the first generation to decide to be the last, let us become the first generation that decides to be the last that sees empty classrooms, lost childhoods, and wasted potentials. Let this be the last time that a girl or a boy spends their childhood in a factory. Let this be the last time that a girl is forced into early child marriage. Let this be the last time that a child loses life in war. Let this be the last time that we see a child out of school. Let this end with us. Let's begin this ending ... together ... today ... right here, right now. Let's begin this ending now." © THE NOBEL FOUNDATION, STOCKHOLM, 2014 http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/2014/yousafzai-lecture_en.html I occasionally get emails from people thanking me for my writing and resources page and asking me to post another resource. They are mental health professionals, mentors, community outreach representatives, or just parents and I am grateful that they have found my site and want to add to it.
Many people in the community are helping others to overcome addictions or avoid them altogether and they often do this with little recognition or financial compensation. I applaud these people and hope their efforts help those in need. The following site I received from a mentor at a local community center working with teens. It has many links to information on alcohol--from use and abuse to fun facts--about half of the links are no longer functioning, but the information that is available is beneficial. Check it out: http://www.datehookup.com/content-alcohol-information-center.htm I have posted the front and back cover of "Cutting the Soul" on the top right of my excerpts and reviews page. Have a look and tell me what you think. The physical copy of the book is on its way to me for approval. I can't wait to see it in person.
I just approved the final proof of the interior of my book. The cover is also complete and it should be ready for publication very soon. I know I keep saying that, it reminds me of that movie "The Money Pit" with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long, the workers on their house kept saying "two weeks, it will be done in two weeks." I think it took a year because they had no idea how much work was needed. Well, this is me and my book. I had no idea how much time it would take. Isn't that the way it is with life? You never know how long certain things will take to accomplish, but good things are worth waiting for.
I apologize for not writing since Thanksgiving. I have been away and did not have an opportunity to write. While I was gone I thought about how important time is and how little we really have.
Once time is gone it cannot be recovered. How much time do you waste? I know I spend time on pointless activities and when those moments are used up you can't get them back. I'm not saying don't relax or enjoy social activities with friends or family, but think about the time you have and whether there are moments that could be used in more productive or enjoyable ways. Geoffrey Chaucer said, "Time and tide wait for no man." They don't stop and they don't wait for you to be ready. So seize the moments in life you have and make the most of them. Be Thankful
By Author Unknown Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to? Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn. Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow. Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement. Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character. Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons. Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference. It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings. We read a book for book club this month with a moral, parental dilemma and it steered our topic toward how parents are raising their children today. I posted the silly picture a while back showing the 1960's parents scolding their child when he brings home a bad grade and the 2010's parents scolding the teacher for the same act. Sadly this is more accurate than we want to admit.
When did this change? When did parents become "curlers?" According to Wikipedia "Curling is a sport in which players slide stones on a sheet of ice towards a target area which is segmented into four concentric circles. The curler can induce a curved path by causing the stone to slowly turn as it slides, and the path of the rock may be further influenced by two sweepers with brooms who accompany it as it slides down the sheet, using the brooms to alter the state of the ice in front of the stone. A great deal of strategy and teamwork go into choosing the ideal path and placement of a stone for each situation, and the skills of the curlers determine how close to the desired result the stone will achieve." "Danish psychologist Bent Hougaard coined the term 'Curling Parent' to refer to those parents who insist on sweeping everything that may get in the way of their child, their own polished stone. Such parents are excessive hoverers, continually making sure that nothing is interfering with or negatively affecting their child. They are always sweeping. Another term that even the colleges are referring to with increased frequency are 'Lawnmower Parents.' Like the Curlers, the Lawnmower Parents look to smooth down and mow over all obstacles that could be in the young person’s path. Such parents may attempt to call the college professors about their child receiving an unsatisfactory grade."--Dr. Richard Selznick Well wouldn't it be nice to have obstacles in our path of achievement, progress, and fulfillment removed. Or would it? What foundation would you have as an adult if you never dealt with negative situations? How would you interact with peers, co-workers, and significant others if you never had to suffer distractions, consequences, or unpleasant situations? Why on earth would we want our children to go out into the world unprepared? This is what these curling and lawnmowing parents are doing. They are taking over their children's lives, their freedom, their accountability, and their right to make choices and learn from them, whether good or bad. And this is not a good thing, in fact it is a very, very bad thing. The children of these type of parents are put under an enormous amount of pressure to be "perfect" in every aspect of their lives--social, sports, and academic. If they don't live up to the perfection they often become depressed, have anxiety, or worse commit suicide. Don't smooth down the "rocky" path for your children. That path is there to give them strength, courage, and determination. Let them climb over and go around the "bumps" in their road, they will thank you later. I am upset over the shooting at FSU, especially since it is where I went to college, but I decided I didn't want to write about another shooting. Instead, I was thinking the other day, when asked to complete a customer service review, why 10 out of 10 is practically required for a survey now. When did this change? I remember when you filled out a rating survey, whether at a restaurant, car dealer, or bank and you were supposed to be honest because what you said or how you rated the service you received was important in order to fix issues or praise staff. Now it seems, unless you put 10 out or 10, which is a perfect score, those you are scoring get in trouble or worse lose their jobs. Who came up with this type of rating? There is no such thing as a perfect score in everything, so where you might feel the service received was 10/10 in some area, maybe it was 8/10 in another, which is still an excellent rating. According to the uspolitics.com poll, the overall presidential job approval ratings were never 10/10. End-of-Presidency Job Approval Ratings President Rating (%) Bill Clinton (2 terms, D, 2001) 66 Ronald Reagan (2 terms, R, 1989) 63 John F. Kennedy (partial term, D, 1963) 63 Dwight Eisenhower (2 terms, R, 1961) 59 George H. Bush (1 term, R, 1993) 56 Gerald Ford (partial term, R, 1977) 53 Lyndon Johnson (1+ terms, D, 1969) 49 George W. Bush (2 terms, R, 2009) 34 Richard Nixon (partial term, R, 1974) 24 And this is only showing presidents since 1961. Bill Clinton had the highest with 6/10 and that is amazing considering all the scandal during his presidency. Of course this is only one type of rating, each one has slightly different scores.
So if an approval rating for a president of 6/10 is historically the highest ever, why isn't 6/10 or 7/10 good enough for service ratings? We have become a society of marketing not merit. It is no longer good enough to do your best and make it in your career or school based on merit alone. In order to get the 10/10 you must market yourself and if you do that well you may not have to have any merit. Look at people like Paris Hilton or the Kardashians. Have they ever really done anything noteworthy in society to earn their fortune and notoriety? No. But for some reason they have risen to the top of fame and fortune because they have turned the art of marketing and "doing nothing" into getting 10/10. When a person feels that they must put 10/10 on a review and the employees and employer feel that only 10/10 is worthwhile than the 10/10 suddenly has no meaning. I remember when I did my teaching practice in the U.K., the teacher in-charge of my training would often comment about lessons I did and say they were brilliant. Being from the USA the word brilliant is only used when something is exemplary. I was so thrilled when I heard this word because I thought, "Wow, I have hit this lesson out of the park." What I soon learned after being there a while was that the British use the word brilliant all the time and therefore it doesn't have the same impact to them as it did to me. What we are teaching our children by saying that a 4.0 grade point average isn't good enough or only 10/10 is worthwhile is that ratings are no longer real and don't matter. The only thing that does matter is how well you promote yourself in the media or on youtube. We are teaching our children that you don't need merit anymore, but instead you must be hypercritical, expect perfection, and be perfect. The problem? Nothing is or can be perfect and merit is actually important. Don't expect 10/10 and be satisfied with satisfactory. I often wonder as I encounter more aches and pains throughout the day . . . Is my body trying to tell me something? There is not as much helpful information out there on messages from your body as I expected there to be, but the following information I found was very interesting. Michael J. Lincoln, PhD wrote in a book called Messages From the Body, Their Psychological Meaning, that "Illnesses and disorders are linked to beliefs and changes of beliefs about oneself, about the nature of one's relationships with others, about one's position in the social world, and about where one stands in relation to the Universe. And these, in turn, are determined by one's life experiences, by one's interventions in the world, and by one's soul history. This reference book will bring awareness from the physical into the mental!" Sounds fascinating doesn't it? The reviews are outstanding and it may be worth looking into if you can get past the price and the size. Another person who writes about the body is Dr. Christiane Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom. Dr. Northrup shares "Your body's message to you will be in a language that best breaks through your particular barriers and speaks most specifically to the issues you need to change in your life." This message may be in the form of migraines, abdominal pain, PMS, or ongoing infections and illnesses. Take head and listen to what your body is saying. Dr. Northrup has also written Mother-Daughter Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause, all of which contain practical and useful information. I found a great article by Kate Bartolotta on a site called "The Good Men Project." It gives simple and effective advice on listening to our bodies. We spend so much time in our heads, we often ignore the important things our body is trying to tell us. Here are a few of the basics.
Follow the link below to read her article — - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/health/the-good-life-what-your-body-is-trying-to-tell-you/#sthash.cziUbXWa.dpuf As I was finishing writing todays blog my daughter texted me from college and told me how sick she is today. I found it synchronistic that I am writing about listening to your body and I believe hers is trying to tell her to slow down, get rest, and probably eat healthier. Get better quickly sweetie! When we stand up for our rights as a nation or a people it is never a wasted effort.
Thank you to our troops, both past and present, who stand up for us as a nation. "The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis."--Dante Alighieri There was an amazing article by Irvin Serrano in my Smithsonian magazine this month. Two scientists, Steve Ramirez and Xu Liu, identified and manipulated brain cells to create a new "memory" of an event that never happened and implanted this memory into the brain of a mouse. The potential this scientific discovery provides is vast. "At a time when the treatments for many serious mental illnesses are lacking, the potential clinical applications of memory modification are enticing. 'This is kind of crazy,' says Josselyn, whose work centers on Alzheimer’s disease and other memory-related disorders, 'but maybe somebody with Alzheimer’s... maybe we can figure out a treatment to just go in and do what these guys did in their papers, and sort of activate these cells artificially, boost the activation and have the memories recalled better.'In another theoretical application, PTSD might be eased by repeatedly reactivating a bad memory to show that the memory itself is not harmful, or by erasing the traumatic components of a specific bad memory, or by replacing it with a positive one. Building on Ramirez and Liu’s work, others in the Tonegawa lab did exactly that in male mice earlier this year, converting a negative memory of a foot shock into a positive memory of an encounter with a female mouse. Ramirez, who is finishing his PhD at MIT, and Liu, who is headed to Northwestern University to start his own lab, have recently taken on another big memory question: Can we intervene in a depressed state in an animal by reactivating positive memories? The answer appears to be yes. They are studying mouse models of anhedonia, or loss of interest in pleasure, a symptom of depression. Experimental mice subjected to stress until they no longer seek pleasure (such as a sip of sugar water) recover their interest when engrams for pleasant experiences are reactivated. The success rate so far is 80 percent. Ramirez believes that memory surgery is inevitable, though there are a great many questions to address. How could it be done safely? Noninvasively? Ethically? How would patients be selected? As painful as heartbreak usually is, most of us also recognize that it’s a natural, even healthy, part of life. A high-school boy who just broke up with his girlfriend might not be a good candidate for memory surgery. But people with dementia or severe depression—would it be inhumane not to ease their suffering if an effective, safe memory intervention were possible?" http://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/meet-two-scientists-who-implanted-false-memory-mouse-180953045/?all Scientific intervention into medical issues of any kind are becoming more and more likely. I think the future will certainly be an interesting one.
A dear friend of mine died about three weeks ago and on Sunday another friend died. It made me wonder, does death come in three's?
This is of course a superstition. According to an article on philly.com by Jenice M. Armstrong "Folklorists say the belief that good or bad things come in threes is an ancient superstition that remains a strong modern belief. 'All cultures have ritual numbers but they don't have the same ritual numbers,' explained Alan Dundes, a professor of anthropology and folklore at the University of Southern California at Berkley. He said Americans have a propensity to see things in threes. For Native Americans, it's four, and for the Chinese, it's five. 'It is very deep in our culture in terms of religion - the father, son and holy ghost,' said Dundes, whose book Interpreting Folklore has a chapter on the significance of the number three in American culture. 'It's in our names. We have three names . . . We say, It's as easy as one, two, three,' he said. 'You just take it for granted that . . . all this stuff is somehow in threes.' Then, there are all the three-oriented phrases like 'the third time's a charm, going down for the third time, and Tic tac toe, three in a row.' Plus, there are numerous three-worded phrases: 'win, lose or draw; we shall overcome; fat, dumb and happy, and snap, crackle and pop.' The importance of the number three comes from many ancient sources. But Dundes, who describes himself as a Freudian, said he believes it's sort of a subliminal symbol of male genitalia. 'It's like putting a masculine stamp on things,' he said. Folklorist Claudia de Lys writes that it springs from the basic observation about the mystery of birth. 'If lucky, the contact of two persons brought forth life, so that three meant life or action in everything,' de Lys writes in a Treasury of American Superstitions. She believes the concept that three bad things happen together is based on the psychological need to believe that a bad cycle will end." The psychological need to believe bad things will end is in all of us, but how far are we willing to go to believe it? Another theory on the superstition of three is called "three on a match" and it comes from soldiers during the time from the Peloponnesian War to World War I. "The superstition goes that if three soldiers lit their cigarettes from the same match, one of the three would be killed or that the man who was third on the match would be shot. Since then it has been considered bad luck for three people to share a light from the same match. The belief was that when the first soldier lit his cigarette, the enemy would see the light; when the second soldier lit his cigarette from the same match, the enemy would take aim and note if the soldier was friendly or foe; when the third soldier lit his cigarette from the same match, the enemy would fire. Another explanation for this was that the first to light the match gave an enemy marksman the range to the target, the second gave the windage on the target, and the third one was shot using this information."--Wikipedia This second story makes more sense to me because it is logical and I am a logical person. However, the older I get, the more I experience, the more spirituality and synchronicity I witness, it makes me wonder if everything doesn't have to be so logical. The night my friend died, I had a dream that someone I knew had died. I remember feeling very sad in the dream for this tragedy. I woke up and told my husband about my dream. In the dream I thought the person's name that had died was Ross, which is a young man that my daughter dated the latter part of high school. After talking to my husband I went to the gym to work out with my friend. When I arrived I noticed his truck was not in the parking lot. I thought this was odd. When I entered the gym he was nowhere to be found which was very unusual because he was extremely punctual. I texted him with no reply. I left the gym feeling uncomfortable and worried. The next day he was found dead in his home. His name was Russ. Life is short. Be grateful for each moment. I got my first look at possible book covers today for Cutting the Soul. Very excited!
When I couldn't handle the severity of my sons mental health issues I had to turn to experts for help. However, most of the, so called, experts weren't even sure where to send him, so I had to do my own research.
My son spent several months at a facility associated with www.uhsinc.com (Universal Health Services, Inc.) According to their site, "Universal Health Services, Inc. is one of the country's largest and most respected hospital management companies and is headquartered in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. Through its subsidiaries, UHS owns and operates more than 225 acute care hospitals, behavioral health facilities and ambulatory centers nationwide, in the U.S. Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico." Is UHS the perfect place to sent your child or teen when they are having problems? Is there really a perfect place? No and no. I wish there was. Is UHS an accredited facility, with professionals that are trained and working to help your child? Yes. Sometimes all we can expect is that they are trying. UHS facilities are not on www.natsap.org "The National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP) represents a variety of programs and schools providing treatment to over 4,600 clients across North America. Our members include therapeutic schools, residential treatment schools, wilderness programs, outdoor therapeutic programs, young adult programs, and home-based residential programs working with troubled teens and troubled adolescents. Our programs are dedicated to providing the highest quality services to the people and families they serve." The reason UHS is not on NATSAP is because it is a hospital type facility rather than a therapeutic school and program. They handle acute and long-term care, whereas the NATSAP programs tend to handle shorter term and non-acute cases. I would recommend UHS if you are looking for a program for your child or teen who is having acute mental health or long term mental health issues and you may even get your insurance to cover some of it. There is not one place that will be perfect for your child to get help and recover from a mental illness. I always said if money were no object, the best place in the world would have been for him to stay at home with live in mental health staff to help with care and day programs to attend with other youth struggling with similar issues, but unfortunately, this type of care is nearly impossible to get. It was impossible for me to help my son with all of his issues and keep him safe without outside help. Everyone must do what they feel is right for their child. Everyone's situation is different, but we can all learn from the experiences of others for the welfare of our children's future. I was deeply disturbed when I heard of the newest school shooting by a 14 year old boy.
When young people are in distress about their lives or relationships, why do they resort to murder? No one seems to know the answer to this question. The topics of bullying, violence in the media, absence of a moral compass, lack of role models, divorce, and availability of weapons are on the top of the lists on why teens kill. Your child doesn't get up the morning after you tell them you are getting divorced, go to school, and shoot people. The reasons are multifaceted, developing over years. What can you do? Talk to your children. Communicate with them about anything you can, let them know that you care and that you are interested in them. Tell them how you feel about what is going on in the world, ask for their opinion, validate their feelings. Is this going to solve the problems? No, but it could be a start, a small start could be all it takes. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." --Lao-tzu |
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