I was behind a mother and son in the check out line of Target the other day. The child was maybe four years old and young enough to be in the shopping cart. When the mother finished paying she moved the cart forward and stopped because the boy wanted to see something at the end of the lane. She let him peruse the items for a few moments and then told him they needed to go as she began to push the cart. The child screeched that he didn't want to leave and reached for whatever fascinating merchandise he was admiring. The mother said, "No, we have to go." The boy turned to his mother, looked her straight in the eyes and said with venom in his voice, "you bitch!" The Target employee and I were right behind this woman and clearly heard what was said. I noticed a few other people with baffled expressions glance over in her direction. The mother looked visibly upset and said something to the child that I could not hear. I paid for my items and was out the door, once again behind the mother and her child. She chastised him for his remarks and must have told him she would tell his father, because all I heard on the way to my car was his pleading not to tell daddy.
Kids repeat words and phrases they hear all the time. The words this child used did not shock me as much as his tone and how it was directed toward his mother, as if he had heard someone speak to her in exactly that way. When I came home from Target I repeated the scenario to my eighteen year old daughter and she said, "Wow, it sounds like the boy has heard his father say that to his mother." I was surprised how perceptive my daughter was, because that is exactly what I was thinking.
Children that witness abusive behavior often normalize and minimize it and then repeat the behavior. This can lead down an unhealthy path of abuser or victim of abuse.
Renowned child behavior therapist James Lehman said, "When we raise our children, we are teaching them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether we think they're learning from us or not. Children watch adults for a living. What parents don't always understand is that chronic defiance in children develops over time, after certain lessons are learned and it can start very early on."
The most powerful thing James Lehman says on this subject is "The reason why we need to step in and help them change their ineffective way of dealing with life's problems is because the more we give power to inappropriate, verbally abusive, behavior the less prepared that child is going to be to solve life's problems as an adult. Make no mistake about it, children who use verbal abuse, name-calling, cursing and intimidation, become verbally abusive adults."
Remember your children are watching you 24/7, be the person you want them to be.
To read more articles by James Lehman follow the link http://www.empoweringparents.com/author_display.php?auth=James-Lehman
Children that witness abusive behavior often normalize and minimize it and then repeat the behavior. This can lead down an unhealthy path of abuser or victim of abuse.
Renowned child behavior therapist James Lehman said, "When we raise our children, we are teaching them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether we think they're learning from us or not. Children watch adults for a living. What parents don't always understand is that chronic defiance in children develops over time, after certain lessons are learned and it can start very early on."
The most powerful thing James Lehman says on this subject is "The reason why we need to step in and help them change their ineffective way of dealing with life's problems is because the more we give power to inappropriate, verbally abusive, behavior the less prepared that child is going to be to solve life's problems as an adult. Make no mistake about it, children who use verbal abuse, name-calling, cursing and intimidation, become verbally abusive adults."
Remember your children are watching you 24/7, be the person you want them to be.
To read more articles by James Lehman follow the link http://www.empoweringparents.com/author_display.php?auth=James-Lehman
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