“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”
― Martha Graham
I found it fascinating that the section of my book I am editing this week deals with this issue, and sadly I still don't know what to do when it happens.
When he displayed severe depression I checked on him every twenty minutes, afraid of what he might do. I didn’t want him to isolate himself in his room. It seemed as if his future was disappearing, and nothing I did would be enough to stop him from destroying himself. How could I prevent the onslaught of pain that I could see coming, pain for Matthew and pain for us?
There are no words to describe the fear that gripped me day after day, the absolute knowledge I had that if I did not react quickly, my child would be dead by his own hand; of this I was absolutely sure. I wanted to flee from my life and the course it was taking.
Every day became a day to dread. Every day was a day I agonized over. Every day grew worse than the one before. Each morning since Matthew had come back from the hospital, I dragged myself out of bed and the same thought dominated my mind, would today be the day I found Matthew dead? With shaking hands I dressed and braced myself for whatever I might find. Biting my lip, I climbed the stairs to his room. I would stand on the landing, give myself a mental pep talk, take a deep breath, grit my teeth, and enter his room. My willpower to do this was slowly dissipating, but somehow I managed to find the strength and courage to continue.
Life may be difficult and there are times when you feel there is no point, but always know that it will pass and things do get better with time.