I discovered, after many years, that I was enabling my mentally ill son by doing everything for him. I felt like I was drowning in our relationship. I was not only enabling him, but allowing myself to be codependent by managing his life. I was denying him the opportunity to do things for himself, make mistakes, and progress. It was exceptionally hard, but gradually I took a back seat to organizing his life and let him do most of it himself. It may not have been done the way I would have, but letting him take control allowed him to grow emotionally.
After a difficult period with him I wrote him a letter and said, "We can’t give you want you want; you will have to find that in yourself. We have given you tools to help you, a car, financial support, and moral support. We are trying to step back and let you make choices, your choices for your future, but you have to be responsible for your choices and know they may come with consequences. We will not pick up all the pieces of your life if it goes awry because of the choices you have made. We will still be here, we aren’t going anywhere, and we will still love you. We are not abandoning you, but rather setting some boundaries."
You are not abandoning your child or teen by letting them do things for themselves, but rather setting some boundaries.
Check out the following website for more information on setting boundaries.